Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Talk Like a Pirate Day. I don't even know where to begin.

Since we're on the subject, let's talk about the Impressionists. You know, the whole idea behind impressionism was that it was impossible to ever paint a picture of a tree (or anything else, for that matter), and that all we could hope to do would be painting the impressions of a tree registered by our minds. Thus, the object cannot be represented without being affected by the observer, and then who's to say I'm ever seeing a tree? I should just call it like I see it: a collection of brown and green, and those cotton-candy like spiders' webs that only grow on trees in Missouri.

So I cannot write about Talk Like a Pirate Day without taking into account the fact that it is I who is doing the writing. And I am not in a position to be a big fan of TLAPD. Because I work with Tito, and he is a worthless jackass who can suck the soul out of anyone, much like a dementor.

Tito celebrates TLAPD with élan and whatnot. He has shirts that feature "funny" pirate-themed logos. He has been to see all of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies. And, like some anti-Midas of comedy, he takes everything funny that he touches and turns it into crap.

Have you ever known someone like this? We had a guy in our high school circle who did it so effectively that we called him "Conversation Assassin." No matter what the topic, when he put in his two cents, no one wanted to live anymore.

And what is with manufactured holidays, anyway? It's not just TLAPD. There is this one on the first Friday in May, and another on March 14. As far as I'm concerned, they can all die in a fire. (Except for that second one, which leaves me intrigued and willing to learn more.)

Follow up vote: Do you hate manufactured holidays? Yes, or no. Explain, if you want.

No comments: