Monday, November 19, 2007

Movie Reviews

I've seen three movies sort of recently, so I'll review all of them, since work is boring.

  • "Ocean's Thirteen"
  • Bristol Stool Chart Rating: 3

    This movie was just as entertaining for me as the other two, but it had the same problems as the other two: unexplained plot holes that are supposed to make you think the movie is clever when really it just wouldn't stand up to scrutiny if they told you everything, and a combination of George Clooney and Brad Pitt. What's wrong with George Clooney? Well, to hear him tell it, nothing at all. And that's a little irritating. It doesn't make a person "brave" to make an Anti-McCarthy film fifty years after McCarthyism, and even ten years after Jim Carrey ("The Majestic") and Reese Witherspoon ("Pleasantville"). In modern America it's the people who say that McCarthy was right who face public scrutiny. And Brad Pitt, aside from always being annoying as a kind of male Natalie Portman (can't act, just looks nice), threw America's Sweetheart under the bus so he could shack up with Crazy McBaby-Nabber and her jumbo sausage lips.

  • "Strangers On a Train"
  • Bristol Stool Chart Rating: 2

    I liked this movie, I think. There were some issues, however.

    1. Guy's wife is uglier than sin! Asking me to believe that she can get two dates to the fair is to stretch credibility beyond belief.
    2. Barbara was hilarious, and the fact that she wasn't in more scenes is unforgivable.
    3. The first time Bruno says to Guy, "Hey, let's talk about your divorce," Guy should have switched cars, and then there would have been no problem.
    4. Guy wore a blazer and shorts in one scene, and in another he put on a heavy wool sweater before playing tennis. Did people ever really do that?
    5. Bruno has no real motivation other than, "Well, he's crazy."
    6. The Senator sure is okay with having a homewrecker of a daughter.
    7. I found myself thinking, "I wonder what color that piece of clothing was? Was it red? Or blue? Or just a shade of gray like it looks to me?"
    8. As a geographer, it bothered me that they never really explained where the town was other than "between New York and Washington."

    However, here's what I liked about it. I liked that the Senator's daughter immediately suspected Guy when his wife turned up dead. Most movie girls are too stupid to put crap together like that. I liked that Guy didn't win his tennis match in straight sets. I liked that the end involved a carousel, the most under-utilized piece of fairground equipment in thriller movies. And I liked seeing the inside of Pennsylvania Station, even if it was a little sad.

  • "Spiderman 3"
  • Bristol Stool Chart Rating: 3

    This movie was pretty good by "comic-book-themed movie standards" (which is to say, it didn't totally suck like most of these movies do), but it wasn't as good as "Spiderman 2." I'm glad they got rid of most of the corny mid-fight dialog that usually clings like daggetts to comic book movies' sphincters. I felt bad when Peter was being a schlemiel to Ursula because I like Ursula. And it was long. I mean, not "Meet Joe Black" long, but long. (Speaking of "Meet Joe Black," I went to see it at the movies with a girl. It was boring, so I said I had to go to the bathroom with the intention of sneaking into another film for a while, but the only other one on my side of the theater was "Ever After," so I actually watched about fifteen minutes of that before going back to my own theater and falling asleep. I thought Claire Forlani (who totally shouldn't have dumped Lt. Dan on "CSIPD Blue") was pretty enough that I wouldn't mind sitting through "Meet Joe Black." I was wrong. I don't even know what it's about. He ends up being dead, doesn't he?)

1 comment:

Cristin Lassen said...

I agree with you. Spiderman 2 was better than 3. I fell asleep during Oceans 13 (we were at the drive-in) because it felt like the same old same old, and I'm tired of watching those guys because they are so cocky. I feel like the Oceans 13 guys act like they although they are too cool to be doing the movie, they are doing us a favor by making it.