Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Larry King Time Again

Joy Behar is the poor man’s Bette Midler.

New Hampshire reaction: I don’t know that Obama or Clinton will have the required number of delegates secured by the end of the primaries. They might take turns winning each state. However, I just don’t understand what there is about Clinton that can excite an electoral base the way Obama can. The first woman president? That still matters to anyone but uptight babes?

As for the Republicans, I think Mitt Romney comes out of this past week looking more like a strong consensus candidate. Second place in Iowa and New Hampshire shows a consistent appeal to the middle of the party, while the winners’ volatile performances show their narrow support. But you can’t win the nomination if you keep coming in second. He’s got to start winning states.

Why do so many truckers need vasectomy reversals? Here’s what I think: you and your lady friend decide to get the Boys snipped (which is evidently the preferred method of birth control among the classy poor), and then you get a job driving a truck. While you’re out on the road, your lady friend starts stepping out on you. Next thing you know you have a new lady friend and she wants to have some kids so she doesn’t feel out of place at Wal-Mart. What you need, friend, is a vasectomy reversal. Quick, call that doctor in Houston whose billboards are all over the country.

Campbell’s Select Healthy Request soups have more fat than regular Campbell’s Select soups, but they have a more reasonable sodium content. By which I mean you can’t use their Healthy Request soup to fight snail invasions.

1 comment:

Nance said...

I thought Bette Midler was the poor man's Bette Midler.