Crazy happenings have besieged the yawn factory. My boss resigned and Tito immediately began wrangling for the vacated position. The normal people around here (roughly two-thirds of us) found this hilarious because no one in his right mind would allow Tito to supervise a microwave heating a burrito, let alone a real person. (There is danger lurking, however, when it is remembered that our leadership is often not in its collective right mind. Because this danger is somewhat real, I went to the city library and checked out Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work by Paul Babiak and Robert D. Hare. It’s a pretty good book, but I wish it had more “case study” stories, because they are all entertaining.)
Anyway, Tito has begun acting like our supervisor, with multiple corrections being his reward, much to our delight. His prime competition for the position was the subject of an e-mail from the owner yesterday called “Good News for [Prime Competition],” which sent Tito into hysterics. He replied, “Sheesh. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the message header. Even after that, I was pretty sure the link was to an article talking about [Prime Competition] taking a job with [his previous employer] or [a nearby company] or something!”
So I sent this:
Please join me in congratulating [A Random Stranger] on his promotion to Director of Professional Services. He brings years of experience in services, and impressive book-learning in professionalism. Please feel free to stop by [old supervisor]’s old office to congratulate him and get your new assignments.
In related news, summary dismissals will begin Friday afternoon, so make sure you’ve all got boxes in the trunks of your cars because using [company] boxes to clean out your desks will be considered theft and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (and then
Again, congratulations to [A Random Stranger].
[old job title typed with “strike-through” font] Director, Professional Services
Responses so far: the president of the company replied with a joke, which means he’s fine with my joke, so that’s good. The normal people have all laughed heartily. The crazy people (one-third of us) have been completely silent. Tito will probably send a confrontational e-mail about how I undermine morale. However, classes start this week, so I’m starting at my other job and work here even less than I already do.