Shocking Headlines That Shock

I was worried I wouldn't have anything to blog about today, like yesterday when I didn't get out of my pajamas at all. Thank goodness for ABC News.

Imagine, if you will, a headline proclaiming that I pay rent for a woman and her kids, and that I've never told anyone about it before. Shocking secret family? Or just the most trumped-up spin on my having a family? Here are some other things I do in my life that can be made to sound scandalous:

• I've fathered children in several states. (All with my wife.)
• I take drugs. (Advil for headaches.)
• I get naked in public. (Showering at the gym.)

It's that type of banality that leads ABC News to run an article headlined, "Mitt Romney Sent Millions to Mormon Church." It's called "tithing," and it's only scandalous to people who have no knowledge of religion.

I especially love the idiot commenter who paraphrases the Bible regarding the location of one's treasure showing the desires of one's heart, and then says this article is evidence of Romney's evilness. So the guy gives money to church and he's evil. That logic seems pretty convoluted.

I'm going to spend the rest of the day writing scandalous headlines about my everyday activities. When my parents mail a birthday check for my son and I cash it, I'm laundering money! When I open Taste of Home ads addressed to my wife, I'm tampering with the mail! And of course, I routinely hook up with my high school girlfriend.