Since I’ve undertaken an effort to shame GustBuster into repairing my umbrella for free, I thought about my other efforts to get low-grade famous people to acknowledge my presence. The track record is not good.
- I e-mailed Harvey Danger asking them if they knew they wrongly described some scenes of the movie “Vertigo” in their song “Carlotta Valdez.” I figured they’d respond, since they aren’t exactly huge rock stars anymore. In fact, I was pretty convinced that my wife and I were the only people on earth who purchased their latest CD, “Little By Little...” (and yes, the title has the ellipsis in it). Never heard back from them, even though I told them it was my goal in life to become rich enough that I could hire them to play at my birthday party, like the band playing in “Billy Madison” when Billy passes the third grade.
- I e-mailed J.C. Bradbury, an economist at Kennesaw State University, about a book he wrote entitled The Baseball Economist. My wife gave it to me for our anniversary and I wanted to tell him I liked it, and also ask a question about one of the things he wrote therein. He hasn’t responded. (Although, to be fair, it’s summer, and since he’s a college professor that means he’s either divorced and teaching summer classes, or he’s living it up on the Riviera.) Here’s how his reply goes in my mind: “A Random Stranger, thanks for the e-mail. You are totally right! I’m going to fix that in future editions of the book. Funny, you are an economics student interested in George Mason University, and I graduated from there. Let me write some reference letters for you when you apply next year. Sincerely, JC (not that JC, haha!).” We’ll have to wait to see how closely the real reply follows my fantasy reply.
PS: On a completely different topic, why do people say “try and...” when that makes so much less sense than “try to...” For instance: “Try and hit me Napoleon.” Is Kip asking Napoleon to hit him? Why would he want that? What he means to say is “Try to hit me.” You try to do stuff. Otherwise, the word “try” is redundant. Of course I’d try to do something right before I ACTUALLY DID IT. When I hear people say “try and...” I think, “That person hasn’t been speaking English very long.” Also, when people say “Far and few between,” I think they must have been dropped on their heads repeatedly when children, and not just dropped on the grass or some mulch, but dropped on some sort of pavement.