Monday, July 14, 2008

How Many Wrongs Does It Take to Make a "Right"?

It's a trick question, ladies! The answer is, "As many as I feel like claiming."

Take, for instance, this idiot Mormon in the news. (I'll set your mind at ease and tell you right now it's not David Archuletta, who, evidently, is dreamy, if you like to dream of pre-pubescent boys.) A non-active return missionary (so you know you're really dealing with the cream of the crop, here) who knows the modesty standard to which he and his models have committed, he has the Modern America Get-Out-Of-Jail Free Card and he's not afraid to play it: "I just feel like my right to free speech is being violated."

Ah, the Right to Free Speech. You can do anything and excuse it with this magical right. Parents refusing to pay for your coke habit? They're violating your right to free speech! Boss telling you to change your profanity-festooned tee-shirt? He's violating your right to free speech!

I don't even know what to say. The Constitution isn't binding on private individuals. Only an idiot would think otherwise.

Now for the good news: as of yesterday, he's an idiot ex-Mormon. Of course, this saddens him because, "I still want to hold onto my heritage."

So it's the Pioneer Day celebrations he values the most? The Osmond celebrity worship? Ground beef in Jell-O (which I've never actually seen and think is a Mormon legend)? I hate Utah Mormons (and that includes Mormons from Idaho, Arizona, and Las Vegas) because they think of their religion only as a social club. It's like the Intermountain Elks Lodge. Does he want to go to heaven when he's dead or does he want to have a heritage? I'm reminded of Al Gore calling his religion his "faith tradition." It means, "I don't really believe this crap, but my grandparents did and I've made some valuable business contacts in our post-service social hour."

True story: after a confrontation with the company accountant, I'm no longer allowed to talk to him. ZOMG! My freedom of speech! Help, help, I'm being oppressed! Maybe I'll just pop open a beer with a former mission companion and make everything all better.


Cristin said...

I love this story. When I told it to Erik, he couldn't understand why the guy was ex-communicated.

Erin said...

I will try not to take your hate of Las Vegas Mormons personally (and I don't see why California Mormons wouldn't be included in that list). There are some even more idiotic Mormons in Las Vegas. Like the ones who accidentally left a their handicap son in a car after church and didn't realize it until bedtime. This is summer time in Las Vegas so it was obviously too late. They are facing 2nd degree murder charges.

Erik said...

Whats the rest of the story on talking to the accountant?