Remember when I wrote about having a “near-Oprah experience”? Of course not, because you don’t read my blog. Nobody reads it. But I did write about it, here. Well, today I read this and I said to myself, “Geez, A Random Stranger, not only does your raw animal magnetism force me to question my own sexuality, you also can predict the future with stunning accuracy. Will you father my children?” To which I replied, “I already fathered all three of your children.” And then Me-Number-One said, “Sweet.” And Me-Number-Two said, “You know it.” And then the two mes (like the Two Coreys, but cooler) did a fist bump, which is the height of coolness right now.
Other things I can predict: second grade math curricula.
You see, around January Persephone quit doing math with Crazy Jane. Crazy Jane was making it difficult, so I got to do math with her when I got home from work. Well, Daddy’s Math Boot Camp fixed a lot of her problems, but Persephone still refuses to do math with Crazy Jane, so it was decided that this year I get to wake Crazy Jane up at seven and do math with her before I leave for the day. (This is just fabulous for me, since this coming semester is going to be, like, my MOST IMPORTANT EVER, but I’ve often been surrounded by enemies in the past.) I did it for about half of the summer with practice workbook pages, depending on whether my summer school schedule allowed for it. She is so much better now that, instead of needing someone to constantly remind her to do the next problems, many mornings I’d wake her up, read scriptures with her during breakfast, then give her an assignment and leave for school, and she’d do the work on her own before anyone else woke up. But, anyway, this is still the way things have to be.
The last week or two we added number word writing (like “sixteen” for 16) to the rotation. You see, Crazy Jane is a grade ahead in math, and some of the assignments don’t account for that. Her first week of kindergarten had her doing first grade math that supposed she could do first grade writing, so she failed that entire week, decided she hated math, and that led to the entire fiasco you see before you. So when I would assign her summer pages to her based on the things she needed to review before starting second grade math, I figured she would need to know how to spell all her number words. I would give her a sheet of words for her to copy and spell aloud while she did it. She said she was embarrassed to do it out loud, so she’d do it in her room with the door closed. (I listened at the door every once in a while to make sure she was actually doing it.)
Today is her first day of school. Her stuff came in the mail while we were in South Dakota and the school website is functioning, so she gets to start first grade today. I woke her up at seven, she yelled at me that she was still tired, I carried her downstairs, introduced myself as her math teacher, and we started her first assignment: number word writing. How brilliant am I?! I didn’t even KNOW! I’m just a regular genius! She still had problems with some of it (like “eighteen”), but she could do enough to pass the assessment at the end of the lesson, which was way better than her experiences with the first week of math last year.
Here’s my secret plan: get Crazy Jane to be the model student so I can run, eat breakfast, and do my own homework while she does her math assignment alongside me (or even during the regular day when I’m not home).
PS: I know what all you haters have to say about home schooling. Like I said, I’ve often been surrounded by enemies. My response to you is the nuanced retort, “Suck it.”