Yesterday I was scanning through some radio stations and I heard a bit of a song that the Interwebs have told me is Keith Urban's "Kiss a Girl." The lyrics I heard were
Doesn't making a little magic baby sound awesome?! I'm not imagining so much Baby Harry Potter--after all, all his magickness certainly didn't help James and Lily that much--I'm thinking more like how I imagine* the baby functions in The Hangover. I want a magic baby that can get me out of parking tickets, help my favorite sports teams win, and dispense hilarious comeuppances on my enemies (and I have a lot of enemies, so this baby is going to have to be SHARP, not one of those soft American magic babies that is always too tired to do squat).
I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna hold her tight
And maybe make a little magic baby
Where does Keith Urban get off thinking he should have a magic baby? Isn't his life nice enough as it is? I mean, aside from the whole drug rehab bit of it. He's married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. He's got enough money that he can just do all the things I want a magic baby to do for me. He doesn't need a magic baby. I do.
I don't really think any of my previous kids would count as a "magic" baby. They can make money disappear pretty quickly, but it's not quite "magic." It's more "slight of hand." One minute it's there, and the next minute you're so broke you're thinking you might have to move to Idaho.
* = I "imagine" because I haven't seen the movie, or a complete trailer. But I've seen the movie poster featuring Zack Galifianakis wearing a BabyBjörn, and that told me everything I need to know. He and Will Tippin and Andy Bernard live like frat boys with a baby in tow, right? It seems like I've seen that movie before. So which one is filling the Steve Guttenberg role?