Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Husband of the Year

Yesterday afternoon I had a thought I decided to share on Facebook.

I like my wife. And I've liked her for 31 years, now. I tell her sometimes, "I'm surprised I haven't grown tired of you yet." That sounds mean, but I just find it surprising that, three decades after meeting her, I still think she's great.
What a nice husband, right?

Wait for it.

Last night, I locked my wife and daughter out of the house before heading to bed.

May I remind you of what a nice husband I am?

So here's how I ended up locking them out: Our door has a key-operated lock and a small deadbolt that is only connected to a knob inside the apartment. So when you're inside, you can lock the door with the deadbolt, but when you're outside, you can't operate the deadbolt. You can also use the key-operated lock from the inside, but it requires a key. Fearing that, in an emergency we would not remember to unlock the door with our key, we keep a key in the lock. However, this interferes with using a key from the outside. So someone who is inside the house has to prepare the door for someone trying to use a key to enter the house.

Before going to bed, I pulled the key 80% out of the lock, so it was still in the door if we had to leave quickly due to fire or something, but so that it wouldn't interfere with my wife using her key from the outside. But I forgot to disengage the deadbolt.

I went to bed. They came home and unlocked the door, but couldn't get in. They called, texted, and WeChatted me, but I mute my phone at night because it doesn't allow me to turn off notification noises from e-mails and I get e-mails all night long (because it's mid-day in America). They sent me e-mails, Twitter messages, and Facebook messages, but my iPad allows me to turn off those notification noises. Eventually, they remotely activated my son's Kindle location service, which made it beep enough to wake him up. He then heard them knocking and let them in.

I had a lot of notifications when I woke up this morning.

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