Monday, March 16, 2015

Kid Nicknames

Our oldest son, Articulate Joe, was very blond, very blue-eyed, and very non-verbal. Our second son, Jerome Jerome the Metronome, is less blond, brown-eyed, left-handed, and has been reading since he was three. Our third son, Screamapilar, is a slightly-more-verbal copy of the first. This is why he calls the youngest [Articulate Joe] Junior. Under the influence of our non-stop reading of the Harry Potter series (we started Book Five last night), I referred to Jerome as Squib [Articulate Joe].

The thing is, the boy already has more nicknames than everyone else in the family combined. It comes from his dislike of nicknames. As a result, he is called Fritz "The Spritz" MacGuillicuddy, 3rd Earl of Tootington (a.k.a. Eyebrows Johnson). Rarely, though, does the entire name get used at once. He's usually just Fritz, Fritzy, Eyebrows, Mr. MacGuillicuddy, or Lord Tootington. Also, because of his terrible morning breath, when I first wake him up, I usually call him Baby Stink Breath. Oh, and when he's especially demanding, like that annoying kid Colin in The Secret Garden, I call him The Little Rajah. I told you, he has a lot of nicknames.

And that's just in seven years' time. By the time he gets married, his wedding invitations are going to require 11x17 paper to fit his entire name.

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