Monday, January 13, 2020

My Weirdest Dream (So Far)

Last night, I had a dream about Franklin, the turtle from the children's book series Franklin the Turtle. And it has left me scared of my subconscious.

In my dream, I was looking at a Franklin book that was all about sexual self-discovery. All the turtles had human-like genitals, and they were prominently featured on every page. I thought, "I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I guess kids need to learn about their bodies, and it's not presented in a pornographic way, so I guess it's okay?" My wife, though, took one look at the book and tore the pages out and threw them away. I said, "You can't do that to a library book!" But she was pretty set with saving the kids of this town from turtle porn. Finally, I convinced her that she'd get in trouble with the library, so she retrieved the pages and started trying to tape them back in.

Those turtle genitals are going to haunt me for a while. Especially the turtle vaginas, because they were on the ends of penises. Which, bee-tee-dubs, I know isn't the human set-up in real life.

I'm creeped out.

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