Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Sunshine and Puppy Dogs

My wife: "You need a new blog posting. You're last one is too depressing."

Me: "It's still how I feel."

My wife: "[typed approximation of her 'angry' noise, since this conversation took place over IM]"

So here's the new, Prozac-friendly blog posting: a haiku of non-traditional pattern.

I once worried about wearing the same shorts two days in a row

Until I met a woman who wore the same shirt two days in a row.

True story.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Messages From the Great Beyond

Sitting here at work I just realized what God would say to me if He had anything to say: "Quit trying to implicate me in your failed life."

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Things More Boring Than My Job

  1. Waiting for the bus when you don't have a book.
  2. Watching bowling on television (when you don't have money on the outcome).
  3. Watching someone else play pool (again, unless you've made a wager).
  4. Standing on the side of the rink after the Zamboni has resurfaced the ice but they haven't let you back on the ice yet (sans wager--actually, I'm just going to cover everything at once and say all of these things only make the list when there's no betting involved).
  5. Waiting for a doctor's appointment after you've already looked through all their magazines.
  6. Waiting at one of those traffic lights that regulates a one-lane bridge when the bridge is so long that you can't see the other side of the bridge.

There is nothing else on Earth more boring than my job. Just those six things. And when you start putting some money on them, my job leapfrogs them all.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Back to School

Well, I finally started classes again today, and not a day too soon. The weeks off between semesters are the times that I want to chew off my own leg to escape my worthless job. But today in my math class we were faced with a fairly simple equation of y - 1 = 4 ( x - 2 ). The instructor quickly distributed the four and added one and we ended up with y = 4 x - 7. One of the guys in class said, "It should be five."

The instructor looked at it again to make sure he didn't screw up and then said, "No, it's seven," and he explained how he got it.

The guy said again, "But it should be five."

The instructor said, "No, we're getting seven, right?" and everyone else in class agreed, but the guy said again, "It should be five," so the instructor finally said, "No, it's seven."

Whoever that guy is, I don't think he's going to have such a great time this summer.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Random Crap

State capitols I've seen:

Arizona, California, Colorado, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

Great Lakes I've seen:

Erie, Huron, Michigan, Ontario.

Temples I've seen:

San Diego, Los Angeles, Oakland, Fresno, Las Vegas, Arizona, Albuquerque, Saint George, Monticello, Manti, Vernal, Provo, Mount Timpanogos, Jordan River, Salt Lake, Bountiful, Ogden, Logan, Denver, Winter Quarters, Saint Louis, Chicago, Louisville, Toronto, Washington, Nauvoo.

States' highest points I've seen:

Arizona, California, Colorado, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Rockin' the Home-Front

We're back from Iowa. I got eight more counties today (Dallas IA, Madison IA, Adair IA, Guthrie IA, Union IA, Ringgold IA, Worth MO, and Gentry MO). My total for the year is now at 141 and my overall total is now 878. With the trips we have remaining this year (southern Utah in August, Sioux City in September or so, and Branson in November), I should end up with close to 200 counties this year. However, I'm still only at 28 percent finished right now, and gas prices keep going up, making each county more expensive to get. Today's counties in Iowa were worth it because everything was very pretty and picturesque, but there are some counties out there that aren't worth $3.25 a gallon (I'm looking in your direction, western Texas).

Foreign Correspondant 2

I'm in Des Moines, Iowa. Actually, I'm in Clive, Iowa, but that's just a suburb of Des Moines. I got eight new counties today (Harrison MO, Decatur IA, Clarke IA, Lucas IA, Marion IA, Warren IA, Polk IA, and Jasper IA). Tomorrow we're going to see the Iowa Capitol and the zoo, then get eight more counties on the way home.

I'm livin' the dream, people! Livin' the dream.